GAYS DEFEND MARRIAGE

I have a piece in today’s Jerusalem Post explaining exactly where I stand in the gay-ex-gay continuum. I coin a new term, “Delta,” which is explained in detail in the essay, which I have excerpted below:

I have a suggestion. Instead of gay or ex-gay, those of us who have stopped thinking of ourselves primarily as same-sexers can emphasize the fact that, whether we’re celibate or in opposite-sex relationships, we’re ‘Deliberately Living Traditionally.’ The handy acronym Delta corresponds to a Greek letter representing change; it can be a rival to the use of the letter Lambda to represent all things gay. Delta can serve as a new identity and community for people who are making or have made that tough transition. (Perhaps the Hebrew version will be known as ‘Dalets.’)

The ‘Delta’ idea correctly focuses on how people behave and organize their lives rather than what their sexuality bar codes are. Such an attitude, by the way, is consistent with Torah Judaism. By contrast, the ‘ex-gay’ approach accepts the gay community view that all of us have an innate sexual orientation, merely adding that those orientations can be changed through ‘reparative’ or other therapy….

People who are unhappy with their homosexuality will almost certainly find it much easier to try ‘deliberately living traditionally’ than to somehow transform their inner make-up. After a few years of living celibately, or perhaps in an opposite-sex relationship, such people might find their same-sex attractions have decreased or at least become less important to them. This is parallel to the Jewish concept of ‘Naaseh v’nishma’ ¬ the idea that actions precede what is internal. Also, the Talmud says with regard to King David that the libido is hungry when satiated and satisfied when
restrained.

Of course, some gays and lesbians will accuse Deltas of ‘not being true to themselves.’ But who decided that our libidos and hearts represent our true selves, even when they’re in conflict with our minds, consciences, and spirits? Shouldn’t each of us get to decide who we truly are?

Indeed, whereas the gay community celebrates National Coming Out Day, and some ex-gays have commemorated National Coming Out of Homosexuality Day, the Delta community could mark National Choose Sexual Behaviors and Family Structures Consistent With Your Values Day (We can work out the acronym later).

Hi everybody I’m on vacation (in Maui, no less) and haven’t been blogging as often as I like to. However, I am consistently impressed with the high level of discussion on the blog from both sides in the comment section and hope you’ll continue as my blogging slows down (I’ll be back at the end of the month).

A few things to throw into the conversation:

• Obama continues to agree with me on the most important LGBT issues, believe it or not. Rather than pushing for an end to “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” right away, he’s authorized a study - i.e. he’s listening to the experts, which is exactly what I said he should do last month here on this blog.

• I’m sick of the “1,000 benefits” talk as I am (more) of tired rhetoric on my side. If it was about benefits, there wouldn’t have been an expensive Prop. 8 battle, because Californian same-sex couples already had all the benefits of marriage. But my side is worse - I’m sick of the lazy thinking and ignorance coming from the “It’s not Biblical! This will lead to incest!” crowd. Sigh.