David Benkof’s last post
CommentsIt is with great sadness that I announce that I feel I must withdraw from openly supporting man-woman marriage in the United States. I recently learned quite a bit of disturbing information that makes it impossible for me to continue supporting a movement I no longer respect. I have not yet decided when or even if I will write about why I’m ending my participation in this debate.
I’d like to thank Maggie Gallagher of the Institute for Marriage and Public Policy who got me started with blogging at MarriageDebate.com and encouraged me to create my own blog, which ultimately became GaysDefendMarriage.com. I’d also like to thank the dozens of commenters, both those who agree with me and those who disagree, who have made this Web site a true place of conversation rather than just another pro-man-woman-marriage site.
In case you’re wondering:
1) I do not advocate that people give time or money to the Proposition 8 campaign in California.
2) People should vote their consciences on the ballot measure. I’m not a California voter, but if I was, I’d probably hold my nose and vote yes, though I can’t be sure.
Have a good summer, everyone!
-David Benkof
David,
Please enlighten us.
For all the shortcomings on either side, I still support the right of people to get married. Even though some men cheat on their wives. Even though some married men announce to the world that they’re going to have open relationships (what happens when grandma sees that in her paper? Does she call her grandchild and say, “you’re doing what?”).
I assume you mean by “I must withdraw from openly supporting man-woman marriage,” you mean that you will no longer openly support the movement that seeks to maintain it as a solely an option for opposite-sex couples.
As you’ve been diligent about giving your rationales in the past, I actually do hope that you do not leave this as some sort of mystery.
David, Whatever is going on, I hope all is well with you.
David, I second what john D has said. Please enlighten us! You have always provided the arguments for your positions before.
David:
Ever since I met you in 1996 on my second day as Director of Development at NGLTF you have put out more than a few “I have my reasons and I’m not going to share them with you.”
Don’t you find it hard to on one hand have strong beliefs and on the other hand you will not attempt to explain or defend them and the experiences that led you to them.
David, you’re a member of the flock who has lost your way… it seems that you have now gotten off the wrong highway. Now that you are off it, it’s time for some route correction.
I won’t gloat if you’ll elaborate on your reasons for quitting. If you’ve _really_ have had a true change of heart, you can begin to undo some of the damage you’ve wrought by coming clean. Frankly, it’s the least you can do. The very least.
I second what Mike Rogers said, please use your time, resources and energy to help our movement.
http://www.queersunited.blogspot.com
David,
I would like to repeat what’s been said here and say that I certainly hope you write about what you have learned.
here are a lot of things I could say about this. I have no problem seeing intellectual dishonesty and fundamentalist moral certainty receive its comeuppance, and i think Benkof typifies both. But that has been addressed elsewhere and at length.
I will offer a story and a thought. I was involved on a research basis back in 1969 with the the pro-choice side when Hawaii introduced a liberalized abortion law. As a gay boy of 19 with a very sheltered place in the world, I wasn’t sure how I felt about abortion. I didn’t even know such a thing was possible! But I was smart enough to recognize the fundamental dishonesty of the anti-abortion crowd. I was especially appalled at three things: 1) the practice of showing aborted babies on large placards– any surgery is messy and bloody and yucky, especially 40 years ago– instead of dealing with the issues. 2) the complete lack of concern for back-alley abortions, other than to say– don’t. 3) the resources that were going into trhe legal campaign instead of providing alternatives to abortion.
Then, as now, in both abortion and the place of gay people in our society, it was very clear that abortion was not really the concern, but power, money, prestige, religious fundamentalism, and validation.
I ended up supporting abortion rights not because I thought abortion was a good idea– I still don’t– but because the anti-abortion crowd was just so APPALLING.
Perhaps Benkof has found that out–finally. And i suspect that it has something to do with a remark offered by F Bailey Smith, then president of the Soputhern Baptists, 30 years ago. I’m sure Benkof knows what that remark was, and I suspect he just encountered the attitude one time too many. Paraphrasing I think timothy some time ago, scrath a homophobe, and you’ll probably see the dull sheeny of an anti-semite.
Finally, Mr. benkof, if you are going to complain about ad hominem attacks, you would do well to examine your comment: “my frequently stated position that many if not most gay men are ’selfish and cruel’.” That’s right up there with Mr. smith above. Gay men as a group are not, in my experience, different from straight men, except that they don’t limit their enjoyment of male genitalia to their own. 90% of the people I have known in my life are kind, generous, warm, loving people, gay or straight. Certainly, my friends are– gay and straight.
If you have a different experience of gay men, maybe you are just hanging around the wrong kind of gay men. Or maybe, just maybe, the obvious fact that you don’t like yourself very much means that the people whom you hang aorund don’t like you very much either. you would do well to read “I’m OK, You’re OK”, and see if it applies to you.
I don’t think there is much of a mystery here! There is no B-I-G secret that David uncovered! I’m quite sure that David had the “priviledge” of being included in some “top level communications” among the Proposion 8 nazis and he realized that the people in charge have a much sinister agenda that he was leading us to believe (up to this point).
I wake up every morning determined both to change the world and have one hell of a good time.
Sometimes this makes planning the day a little difficult. EB WHITE
David Benkof set forth a challenge (for me) and it appears many others with Gays Defend Marriage. Another person, in my earlier life, Stephen Kuder, SJ, (Jesuit priest) challenged me and my other classmates in a philosophy class by having us prove there is no G-D.
I didn’t like how David’s challenges assaulted Gays and Lesbians, but the challenge made me realize how important it is to support the LGBT community. Thank you Benkof.
All I can say is I’m not totally shocked. Mr. Benkof may have some strong views, but twisted and ignored what posters who disagreed with him were trying to say.
It’s good to see that you have finally come to realize that nobody knows how to lie and bear false witness like a Southern Baptist, or an SB clone. Their unholy trinity:
1) slavery
2) women voting
3) sexual orientation
Two down. One to go.
Theological mythology is the strongest and most powerful addictive drug yet invented by humans. How many different versions of Christianity are there? The vast majority of them are a mockery of Jesus Christ.
I hope you remain blogging in some form on culture issues … It is not right that homosexuality and religion are at odds. Nobody in the church has the right to throw rocks, nobody is free of sin. The issue of marriage is a decisive issue; people feel they are fighting for the lives of the next generation. I hope your existence has rebuked people who may have in their passion forgotten they are no better than anyone else.
Thank you for finally seeing the light of day. I have to say many of us saw this coming. Not to rub it in…but had you come to me first I surely would have warned you that this little flirtation of yours with the anti-Gay crowd would come to no good end. How could it not?
Anyway, good luck to you…and take care.
Nobody is free of sin: true. homosexuality is a sin: hhighly open to quesiton.
People feel they are fighting for the lives of the next generation: for gay people, yes. For heteros: since 95% of the population on the planet is straight, or allegedly so, and overbreeding is their m.o., I think that is just another way of saying “I hate queers.’
I hope there are legitimate reasons for not elaborating. How you could have had respect for this movement from the beginning is beyond me? I don’t care if we call it marriage, civil unions or honky tonk, I just want to make sure my partner and I are protected and provided equal rights. However, to be so evasive about qutting the blog is truly bizarre and irresponsible. Oh well, I’ll consider the source.
I have lost all respect for you, David. I never agreed with you, but I thought you had integrity. You had no problem spewing homophobic messages on this blog, but now you shirk your responsibility to undo as much of the damage you’ve done as possible.
Shame on you. You are not a righteous man.
I’ve never had a problem with anyone in the GLBT community who claimed that marriage wasn’t “their thing” or even a “good thing”… different strokes et al… and that attitude was quite prevelant in the 60’s from the youth movements who embraced free love and communal life, etc…
HOWEVER, I have never understood why someone within our own community would feel the need to deny marriage to those who seek it just because he didn’t personally believe it to be right for himself.
So good for you for changing your mind on that… but it’s a bit late and I’m tired of dealing with midnight converts. Maybe you might want to rethink your choices with respect to your role as an “opinion-maker”. You don’t seem to be very good at it. Maybe WalMart is hiring.
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