GAYS DEFEND MARRIAGE

I have a new permanent page up: “Selfless agenda.”

Because I have frequently criticized the terrible selfishness of today’s gay and lesbian community, I thought it important to lay out what I think would be a selfless gay agenda, one I could readily endorse and promote wholeheartedly.

1. Relationship recognition. I have demonstrated why it’s wrong to meddle with marriage, but that doesn’t mean same-sex couples don’t have legitimate concerns that need to be addressed. Rather than focus on the ego boost from having the government treat us as exactly equal (even when we’re not), the LGBT community should promote national, state, and local versions of the Salt Lake City plan, which allows all unmarried adults to appoint one person to receive a set of benefits. We should ask for a broad variety of benefits including hospital visitation, custody, and health care. Rather than using the relationship recognition issue to call attention to how special we are for having same-sex conjugal relationships “just like marriage,” we can be broad-minded and make sure non-conjugal relationships, like best friends and roommates, are included as well.

2. Nondiscrimination. The selfish gay community has put tremendous energy into passing state and federal laws that ban discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, and sometimes gender identity as well. But our nation’s nondiscrimination laws are a mess. Groups get protection because they can afford lobbyists to pass laws protecting them – which means the groups who need protection the most are left in the cold. Rather than cry “me too!” the LGBT community could lead a national conversation about how to write nondiscrimination laws that balance a business owner’s right to run her company how she wants, and the rights of people to do their jobs without being afraid of unfair treatment because of who they are. We can also try to come up with a single clear, coherent way to determine who gets covered by nondiscrimination laws, and who doesn’t.

3. Hate crimes. Laws should never try to regulate people’s thoughts, instead of their actions. So sentencing enhancement because the victim was gay or transgender (but not if she was a communist or overweight) is another sign of LGBT self-centeredness. Instead, let’s focus on toughening penalties for the kinds of crimes gays often face – but apply the penalties to everyone. Battery and assault, for starters. Prison rape, for another.

4. “Anti-bullying laws.” The latest trend in pro-gay legislation mandates indoctrination in pro-gay attitudes under the guise of preventing bullying. But America’s populace has lots of different attitudes about homosexuality, and insisting that LGBT attitudes get taught while other, equally legitimate attitudes are declared “bigotry” is, once again, selfish. In younger grades, homosexuality doesn’t belong in the curriculum at all – it can be taught at home, if at all. In older grades, let’s encourage lessons that respect everyone’s views, including but not limited to our own.

5. Not blaming the victim. In the 1980s and 1990s, the gay community responded strongly to the challenge of HIV, and worked assiduously to comfort and protect people who contracted AIDS, usually through gay sex. Now, more and more LGBT people are saying that the people getting AIDS today (usually poor black men who have sex with men) don’t deserve our sympathy and attention now that “everyone knows” how to avoid the virus. I disagree. I think the gay community should put more resources into education, research, and treatment for a variety of LGBT people in need – gay and bisexual men with HIV, lesbians at a higher risk for alcoholism, transgender women who are overrepresented in prison.

6. The military. I believe that gays and lesbians should serve openly in the armed forces. But I’m not an expert at whether out gays would help or harm the military’s primary mission – to win wars. I’ve heard some selfish gays say that even if it would have caused America to lose World War II, it would have been worth it to let gays serve openly. Well, I’m sorry, but there are some things more important than gay self-esteem – like, um, beating the Nazis. Let’s focus our energies on convincing the generals that ending Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell will help them, not hurt them, in their main objective. Once the generals are on board, Congress is sure to follow.

7. Fighting homophobia. There are two federal policies that exist for no reason than to accommodate homophobia. The need to be repealed – not for the symbolism, but for the real hurts they cause to real people, not all of whom are gay. First, the ban on visits and immigration by people who are HIV+ is a Jesse Helms-era slam at the gay community that President Bill Clinton shamefully signed into law. George W. Bush wants to sign legislation allowing the government to reverse it, but the gay community has mostly been MIA on the issue, probably because it doesn’t directly affect us. Second, the FDA does not allow men who have had sex with men in the last 20 years – even if they are HIV-negative and celibate or monogamous – to donate blood or even to be tissue typed to see if they can save someone’s life. This too, should be a priority for the gay community, but barely gets any attention by our national organizations.

8. Adoption. We must overturn Florida’s ban on adoption by lesbians and gay men. The policy hurts children and insults the parenting ability of an entire class of people. If straight people in Florida were adopting all the available children, that would be one thing, but to keep children orphans when there are good homes waiting for them is just wrong. We should also undertake a massive campaign in the gay and especially the lesbian community about the joys of adopting. Unfortunately, an increasing number of same-sex couples are creating babies from scratch rather than adopting, which means rather than giving a child with no parents two same-sex parents, they’re deliberately bringing a child into the world without both a mother and a father. Such an act is selfish and cruel, and even worse since they’re victimizing their own child. While same-sex baby-making cannot and should not be made illegal, the LGBT community can do a lot to make adoption “cool” and baby-making less so.