GAYS DEFEND MARRIAGE

When I have said that same-sex couples generally do not respect monogamy the way married couples do, and therefore I believe redefining marriage will change and thus hurt marriage itself, LGBT people (including frequent posters at our site) have generally had one of two reactions:

1) You are extrapolating from a very small non-monogamous sample to accuse the whole LGBT community of not respecting marital vows; or

2) You are greatly underestimating the huge number of heterosexual couples whose cheating and swinging is well known.

In response, I would like to clarify: what concerns me is not the small, or large, percentage of same-sex couples that have open relationships, nor the size of the swinging and cheating community among heterosexual couples. What concerns me is the attitudes of gay and straight people, respectively, on what marriage is.

I see very little evidence that mainstream non-gay groups like the NAACP, Jewish Women International, and Habitat for Humanity, or mainstream non-gay leaders like Oprah Winfrey, Nancy Pelosi, and Bill Gates, think getting married does not necessarily mean one is promising to stop having sex with outsiders. I see tons of evidence that the equivalent voices in the LGBT community see no necessary, inherent connection between fidelity and marriage.

For example, my gay friend Dan Blatt, who supports same-sex marriage, did a lot of research for his GayPatriot Web site and found that “marriage equality” Web sites say very little about monogamy.

But I am happy to be shown solid evidence that the LGBT community does, in fact overwhelmingly understand what marriage is. So I would like to challenge the leaders of the “marriage equality” movement to take the pledge listed below:

The Monogamy Pledge

1. I will not enter any marriage without a firm promise of sexual fidelity.

2. I will not honor any same-sex marriage as worthy of respect if it does not include sexual exclusivity in its wedding vows (“forsaking all others”) or in some other open proclamation.

If any 50 prominent, public, recognized leaders of the “marriage equality” movement (or at least seven of the eight top leaders listed below) agree to take the Monogamy Pledge, I will reverse my claim and stop arguing that the LGBT community’s attitude toward monogamy means they have no idea what marriage is.

Now, so far only about 10 percent of the several hundred gay leaders I have contacted about marriage have written me back, and only about 2 percent have been willing to directly answer hard questions. So I’m the wrong person to tell LGBT leaders about the pledge. Therefore I encourage supporters of same-sex marriage who think, correctly, that marriage should mean sexual exclusivity (surely Dan isn’t the only one) to contact people like Evan Wolfson, Jon Davidson, Mary Bonauto, Geoff Kors, Kate Kendall, Barney Frank, Joe Solomonese, and Robin Tyler (and others who are so eager to make the rest of society treat same-sex couples as “equal”) whether they are willing to take the Monogamy Pledge, and if not, why not. My sense is very few significant LGBT leaders see any essential connection between marriage and sexual exclusivity.