“Ex-gay” isn’t kosher

June 15 2008JudaismDavid Benkof Comments

A woman wrote me yesterday reacting to my writing on gay marriage by recommending I visit jonahweb.org, a Jewish “ex-gay” Web site. She says I am “in denial” about the fact that homosexuality is “preventable and treatable.”

The funny thing is, based on the time she sent the note and the time zone she lives in, it is clear this Jewish woman wrote me on Shabbat. Indeed, a lot of Jewish advocates of the “ex-gay” approach to homosexuality openly violate major Jewish laws. And jonahweb.org promotes far more Christian ideas about homosexuality than Jewish ones. These people who have the chutzpah to push LGBT Jews (some of us quite observant) to follow their non-Jewish ideas about sexuality in the name of Judaism should instead focus their energies on their own observance of things like Shabbat, keeping kosher, and daily prayer. If an Orthodox Jew wants to tell me my observance of Jewish law in the areas of family and bedroom life is not sufficient, I’m happy to listen to him or her. I don’t see why I should take these other amei ha’aretz and m’challelei Shabbos (Jewishly ignorant Sabbath-breakers) seriously.

I haven’t checked with a rabbi on this, but I’m pretty sure that if my correspondent had to pick one Jewish law to violate, Judaism would prefer it if she engaged in lesbian sex rather than send me an E-mail on Shabbat. Yet she tells me in the name of Judaism that “ex-gay” is the way to go.

Oy vey.

3 comments:

  1. Shmuel, 17. June 2008, 9:14

    David,

    Chazak u’baruch! At the risk of beginning a “relationship” with a bit of flattery, your voice is one that is so important and you’re either very brave or naive.

    I’m that orthodox rabbi who can confirm your suspicions. Figuring out which avaira is preferable is an exorcise in absurdity, but lesbian sex would seem to be better for her neshama than chillul Shabbos. (One of the weirdest sentences that I’ve ever had the privilege of writing.)

    I’m a formerly conservative (Jewishly - politically, I’m formerly liberal), baal teshuva. I’ve always been straight. Despite all of my efforts to stare at a man and see if I could figure out what the attraction was all about, I’ve been hopelessly attracted to only women. I’ve been married to the same one now for longer than I can believe. (I feel too young to have been married for 15 years.) I’ve been in the position to counsel several young men and women regarding their sexuality. I guess they can sense that I’m “safe.”

    I see that this is a relatively new blog, and I’ve briefly checked out jonahweb.org, but the NRO piece linked me here, and I’m happy that it did. Do you plan on keeping this as a blog only on marriage or will it also include your thoughts about sexuality/homosexuality in general. I’d love to hear your take on the question of “If it’s against the Torah, why G-d made you this way?” I’d love to hear your take on nature/nurture. I’d love to hear about your journey. Are you married? Do you desire to get married or is that beyond your plane for now? Being new to your writings, perhaps you would link me to the articles where you have already addressed some of this.

    I wish you only bracha v’hatzlacha. Despite my attempts to spend less time on the internet, I plan to check back here. What a breath of fresh air!

    Shmuel (I no longer do the rabbi thing professionally and am not so big on the title part anyway)

     
  2. David Benkof, 19. June 2008, 1:47

    Shmuel-

    Thanks for writing. So that everybody who visits the blog will be able to understand everyone’s comments, if you could translate Hebrew phrases that aren’t in American lingo I would appreciate it.

    I plan on blogging 90% on marriage at least through the November elections. I may expand the blog after that. If people have recommendations on or off the blog, I’d be interested in some feedback on that question.

     
  3. Shmuel, 19. June 2008, 16:43

    David,

    Of course, translation to follow. It’s funny how the brain works. I saw you write “amei ha’aretz and m’challelei Shabbos” and I got so excited that I could speak the lingo with you that I didn’t notice that you translated what you wrote. ( :

    Selective reading.

    Chazak u’baruch - literal translation is “be strong and blessed,” colloquially, it’s akin to “you go girl.” (not meant as a comment on anyone’s sexuality)

    avaira - sin
    neshama - soul
    chilul Shabbos - desecration of the Sabbath
    baal teshuva - one who returns to the a traditional, Torah observant Jewish life
    bracha v’hatzlacha - blessing and success

    Sorry to anyone who felt left out. English works just fine for me (usually).

     

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