GAYS DEFEND MARRIAGE

Positions on same-sex parenting tend to be extreme. Either “children need parents who love them, no matter the number or gender” or “children must be raised by heterosexual married parents.” But I disagree with both those approaches and have a stance on gay parenting that is much more nuanced. I believe:

1. Whenever possible, a child should be raised with both a mother and a father. Sometimes that can’t happen, which is always a tragedy.

2. There is no evidence that a person’s sexual orientation is correlated with his or her parenting ability.

3. It is better for a child to have two parents of the same sex than no parents at all.

Those three principles lead me to the following conclusions:

A. Laws like Florida’s ban on lesbian and gay adoption are offensive. The fact the gay movement is putting so many more resources into retaining a semantic difference on marriage in California when Florida continues to irrationally stigmatize and reject would-be parents because of their sexual orientation befuddles me.

B. For a same-sex couple to engineer a baby instead of adopting is a selfish act of cruelty to their own offspring – prioritizing passing on their genes over allowing their own child to grow up with both a father’s guidance and a mother’s touch. It’s manufacturing a tragedy. It shouldn’t be illegal, but it makes me sick.

C. Adoption agencies should be allowed to give preference to families with both a mother and a father (of any sexual orientation) when all else is equal. If that means same-sex couples end up with more children of color and special-needs children, I know from experience that LGBT people have the love, the patience, and the perseverence to welcome all kinds of little ones into their homes. But laws like the one in Massachusetts that forbids adoption agencies from preferring families with both a mother and a father may help gay people but they hurt children and they should be repealed.

D. Creative same-sex family structures like that of the smart, affable Jewish lesbian academic Caryn Aviv are particularly admirable. Although I would never form a family like that, she actually has an argument that her daughter gets more love than if she were part of a traditional nuclear family – because she has both a Mom and two Dads to care for her. Caryn’s family is oriented around what’s best for her daughter, as opposed to proving to the world that gays are equal and a selfish notion like “a child doesn’t need a father to be happy.”

So am I homophobic or too accommodating of unfit parents? I’m sure some of you will have each opinion. I think I split this baby just right.